Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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