Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
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i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
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I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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