after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
