evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
