I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
