is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
