News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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