Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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