Your face is a jimmy john
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
