guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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