Yo dont text me then not text me
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
