6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
