His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Your cock deserves a montage
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
