there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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