Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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