New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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