Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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