Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
