1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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