hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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