wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize