Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
