life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you win again, gameday.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
