And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
