Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
