I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
a search helicopter?!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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