Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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