it was like his penis was on wheels.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize