Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
