The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
