At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
