I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
