I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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