I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
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