Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
