Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
