Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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