I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
