I wish I could teleport
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
