He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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