I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
