I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
