Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
