Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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