Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
