I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
