what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
