And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
