Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
