Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
