none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
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Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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