ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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