Banned from zoo.
Again?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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