my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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