saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
