My friends, they love my intelligence
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
