Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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