When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
