"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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