I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
