So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
