he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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