haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
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Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
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I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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