You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
