broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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