So drunk its hurt
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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