I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
