The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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