I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"