Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"