I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Are my feet made of real feet?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.