Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name