You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know