chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.