Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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