i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
