if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
