Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
